Grief is a deeply personal experience that can take many forms and, for some, last a long time. While adults often recognize the well-known five stages of grief (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance), it’s important to remember that grief is not a linear process. People do not move neatly from one stage to the next, and this is especially true for children.
Every child experiences and expresses grief differently, and their understanding of loss depends largely on their age and developmental stage.
How Children Understand Death
Unlike adults, who understand that death is permanent, young children often do not yet grasp this concept.
- Younger children may see death as temporary or reversible, believing a loved one will return, similar to someone going away for a short time.
- Children between the ages of 5 and 9 begin to understand that death is permanent, but may still believe that it won’t happen to them or anyone they love.
Because of this, when a loss does occur, children may experience shock, confusion, or disbelief, and may struggle to fully process what has happened.
What Grief Can Look Like in Children
Grief in children doesn’t always look like grief in adults. While sadness and crying are common, especially in the early stages, children often express grief through behavioral changes.
Some common responses include:
- Regression, such as bed-wetting or acting younger than their age
- Increased need for comfort and attention
- Nightmares or sleep disturbances
- Refusal to accept the loss, especially in the beginning
In many cases, these reactions are completely normal. A child temporarily denying the reality of a loss is often part of how they begin to process overwhelming emotions.
When Grief May Require Extra Support
While many grief responses are expected, there are times when a child may need additional help navigating their emotions.
Parents and caregivers should be mindful of signs that grief may not be resolving in a healthy way, especially if symptoms persist or intensify over time.
These may include:
- Ongoing refusal to accept the death over an extended period
- Avoidance of emotions or “shutting down” instead of processing grief
- A noticeable drop in school performance or attendance
- Persistent fear of being alone
- Difficulty sleeping or loss of appetite
- Loss of interest in favorite activities
- Behaviors such as imitating the deceased or believing they are communicating with them
These signs may indicate that a child is struggling to process grief and could benefit from professional support.
How Parents and Caregivers Can Help
One of the most important roles of a parent or caregiver is to recognize when a child may need help. Supporting a grieving child starts with patience, understanding, and open communication, but sometimes additional guidance is necessary.
If you notice concerning changes in your child’s behavior or emotional well-being, the next step is to seek an evaluation by a licensed mental health professional.
Compassionate Support Makes a Difference
A professional assessment and evaluation can be a crucial first step in helping your child process grief in a healthy, supportive way. Mental health providers can:
- Help children understand and express their emotions
- Provide coping strategies tailored to their age and needs
- Support the entire family through the grieving process
At Orchard Park Hospital, we understand that grief affects the whole child, and the whole family. With the right support, children can learn to process loss, build resilience, and move forward in a healthy way.
